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Husband Wants a Divorce? Advice to Change His Mind

Probably one of the most common emails or requests I get on my blog is from women who say something like, “Help! My husband wants a divorce. What can I do to change his mind before it’s too late? I can’t get through to him.” to him because he acts aloof and won’t talk to me or listen to me.” These women desperately want to save their marriages, but their husbands block all attempts at reconciliation and basically block them. I have seen this formula many times and I know first hand that it can be a recipe for disaster. Because, when you are facing a divorce and your husband is not available, you are tempted to try desperate things or behaviors that are not typical just to get a reaction. The problem with this is that not only does it make you look more imperfect, it further alienates your husband and puts you in a position of vulnerability. No good comes from this chain of events. In this article, I’ll tell you some better alternatives to changing your husband’s mind about divorce than the tactics you’re probably using right now.

Why your husband doesn’t listen to you: It’s true, I don’t know your husband, you, or anything about the circumstances of your marriage. But, I’ve been in your shoes and spent countless hours researching divorce and interviewing many men who are seeking a divorce or are unhappy in their marriages. Most people say the same thing to me. They don’t listen to you because they know that what you say is to change their mind. They know you are trying to manipulate them. They know (from past experiences that have contributed to you being on the brink of divorce now) that you both made a lot of promises you didn’t keep or said a lot of things that never happened. In short, they are tired of hearing the same old thing and getting the same old results. Therefore, they checked as a defense mechanism.

Now, I’m not telling you this to make you feel sad or guilty. I’m telling you this because I want you to see that you need to change course if you want to change your husband’s mind about divorce. So, don’t belittle him, act desperate, follow him around, threaten him, deal with him, beg him, etc. You might get lucky (although over time, the chances of this decrease) and he might “get it” once or twice, but he’ll resent you for it and it’ll be harder to get him back. This is not a situation where you can settle for a small short term victory. To truly save your marriage, you need long-term success.

How to Get Your Man to Listen to You (The First Step to Changing His Mind About a Breakup): Hopefully by now, I’ve shown you that the way you probably want to change your husband’s mind is unlikely to work (especially in the long run.) But, you need to get him to listen if you’re going. to make any progress. How do you do this? By changing what you say. Remember I said that men tell me they hear the same old thing? Well, change the message and tell them what they really want to hear. How do you do this? You JOIN them. You confirm them. Now, please stay with me. I know this might sound crazy, but I’ll explain.

At this point, many women will say “Oh, I can’t do that. It’s too risky. If I agree, then I might as well give up and just agree to a divorce.” No, that’s not what I mean, I promise. You are not satisfied with the divorce. You simply agree that your husband has a right to want to be happy and that the marriage is in trouble. You agree to ease his burden and make him feel better because that’s what he wants to hear. And this time he will listen to you.

Now That He’s Listening, What Do You Say To Get Him To See Things Your Way?: Well, look, he’s a kicker. You are not trying to change his mind (and so it will probably work). You act in such a way that he will want to do it on his own. Because, if you do otherwise, his heart will not really come and this plan will backfire in a big way.

So, it will go something like this. The next time you’re with your husband, you tell him you’ve been thinking for a while and you realize he’s right. You agree that marriage is not what it should be and you are deeply sorry for it. You tell him that you love him and above all, you want him to be happy. You tell him that he is too important to you to break up on bad terms. You promise him that you will no longer act in a way that ruins your relationship – no matter where the relationship goes. Then, you do exactly what you just said. Always stop and ask yourself if your actions will push him further away before you do them.

Go slowly. Never Rush Him or Push Him to Leave a Divorce (He Must Make This Decision on His Own): So, if you agree with your husband as I mentioned above, a lot of tension should start. When he sees that you mean what you say (and you’re not just telling him something new to change his mind) he should hopefully be more accepting of you. When it does, you have to take things very slowly. Let him set the stage. Don’t rush and don’t delay. Just focus on creating positive emotions and shared experiences that you both enjoy lightly. No strings attached. There are no deep and difficult conversations about marriage yet. No talk about what happened and what can happen again. Focus on just one common experience at a time.

If you do, I’d be willing to bet over time, it’ll start looking like the two people who first fell in love in the first place. And when he does, he’ll end up wanting more of it. Always leave him wanting more. It is very important not to rush. Because as he becomes the one willing to change the terms of the relationship, then you begin to gain more of an equal footing in the marriage and your place in it. And, this is what you need to be if they will completely change their heart about your marriage, and with their faithfulness.

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