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Just How Big Is This Onion – The Releasing Of Fear

Lately I’ve had a big fear. With this I realized that this is a plot to go here; it must be Walla Walla Special. An onion of endless layers that tends to make my eyes water and the smell makes my toes tingle.

First let me explain what I’m talking about when I talk about letting go of fear-based beliefs. A few years ago I began my search for all the conventions, customs, practices, beliefs and practices that I have embraced over the years on my spiritual path. Little by little I began to realize that many of these things were connected to a deep, sometimes inexplicable thought that they were inadequate, unworthy or a denial of the source of my own creative Self and All-wise Self. Let’s call him GOD for convenience. If God is one of those “Os” and I was created like it, am I not one of those things? So when I engage in an action or belief that subconsciously or outwardly expresses the opposite, I am telling the Universe, Spirit, GOD that I do not believe that I was created like that and that I am not good enough or worthy. us All I can say by participating in these activities is that let me do it to add something that never had the opportunity to add. THIS IS ALL POWER ALL AWARENESS ALL ACHIEVEMENT. The only thing I can do to increase IT in my life is to say yes; acknowledge that I am He.

Now let what has been said tell a story. This story is a little on the Woo Woo side. Try not to judge me as I let you into my world of little madness. You don’t have to believe everything I say here, but know that it has brought me a long way in the path of light and love.

This particular adventure began as a quest to discover what a shaman is. For years I had listened to “The Four Covenants” on CD where Don Miguel Ruiz talked about shamans and a shamanic style. Don Miguel Ruiz writes in his book “The Four Covenants” about “surrendering to the angel of death”. He introduced a shamanic path as a way to overcome our “law book” and submit to the “angel of death.” I was curious, I had never heard the word shaman. So in my time I would Google shamans and read about them and their practices. I thought it might be an easy way to deal with my demons (contract or law book). Then I had to find someone, find someone, get guidance from someone.

Of course the day I saw a shaman was on the December full moon or “Long Night Moon”. I was sitting at my desk getting ready to go home and for the hundredth time I decided to Google Shaman, Grayslake (that’s the name of my town). Low and behold I got a hit. A shaman was holding sessions at a healing facility in my town. So I called and they only had one spot left, I made the appointment not knowing what to expect. Up until that point the closest I had come to any kind of energy healing session was reflexology on a cruise ship.

I got to my appointment, sat across the table from a normal white guy (not what I expected) and then the wild and crazy ride began. There were tears, laughter, spitting, choking, crunching of numbers and formulas, reconfiguration of vibrational codes. I was told that I was a pleiadian from another planet and that he and I had known each other in many lifetimes. He cried when he told me how much he missed me. I was told that I was once a powerful healer and that in this lifetime I would move to Colorado to bring and anchor a new healing energy. He saw that 2 powerful lights were born that were close to me. (My niece gave birth to a boy that night and my daughter gave birth to a boy a week later). He took things out of my energy body that only he could see, he fought my ex-husband who was NOT in the room. This lasted for 45 minutes. I don’t think I said more than five words; I was actually in a state with my eyes open. There was a yellow gold color in the room, his face was in many faces. All I could think was WHAT THE @%^&* IS THIS! Then he gave me my holy code. It was 6 pages of symbols and numbers. He lined them up, placed a sheet with the number 3.17 on top and put them in a protective plastic case. I was told to sleep on it, sit on it and drive while sitting on it. He was supposed to be my companion. I was advised that the number 3.17 and the symbol will continue to unlock my vibrational code; they will change my current DNA. I went out that night in the deepest and most uncomfortable “WTF” I’ve ever felt. You know the kind that makes you laugh and cry at the same time.

I was surprised and in a state of shock. What did I do before? I couldn’t believe that I had spent money on a crazy person with a crazy story. Who was he, is he really the shaman? I never saw him again and he never returned to that recovery center. Sometimes I wonder if it was true.

So what does all this have to do with onions? As I’ve said before, I’ve taken great strides to gently rid my life of fearful beliefs and practices. I am happy to participate in the ceremony that connects me to the spirit; I love the smell of sage and palo santo as a reminder that I am made of perfect white light that clears all energies that are not vibrating at the level of perfection. I love to enjoy the energy and healing of crystals, mountains, lakes, rivers, oceans, plains, animals, birds, the sky, the moon, the sun and the universe as a whole. But I know, that I know, that I know that none of those things make me perfect, awesome or complete. I am fully created, I am perfectly created and I am magnificently created. It would be denying my source, my spirit, my GOD, to think that any of those things could change or enhance God’s perfection. I am the perfection of my creator; I just forget sometimes and need reminders.

This short paragraph is where I can admit my little craziness. See… For the past 2+ years I’ve been obsessed with sitting on those numbers and papers? Why? I don’t know, but I did it religiously. Wow I’m glad I got that off my chest.

Then a trusted advisor suggested to me that I needed to burn them. To say the least, I was strong. My thoughts are like this; what, noooo I can’t burn them, I have my power, my number, my symbols. What will happen? Will I be disconnected from my pleiadian download? As I continued to experience my personal spirituality, I slowly began to see the light. Holy crap I was sitting on fear this time and I didn’t even know what it was for.

I’m not quite a number. My number is Infinite, I am Infinite. I tell people every day that I don’t prescribe drugs; I say that I facilitate healing from an omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient source. We are all created from HER. We all have the right to achieve perfection and greatness. That son of a gun ego got me once again. I sat blindly on those numbers and wrote about my own learning, researched about learning, meditated on learning and learned about being fearless. How crazy is that? Gone to the next level of my infinite pie. The boy smelled that floor to heaven when he fell.

I guess it was time. I made a ceremony; I played my new drum, lit a candle, sprayed myself with Ohm spray, stuck some crystals in my pocket, said a rosary, got my prayer cards, played Ohm Namah Shivaya Ohm really loud and burned that pile of papers. . I made time to allow myself to remember who I really am. A being of divine perfection.

By the way, if I was a number I would be pi. I have met some wonderful shamans and I am continuing with books and classes on the shamanic path in school.


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